not a basis!!

I would try my very best to recall and maintain the proper tenses in this entry of mine, cause it's backdated and sometimes due to sheer recklessness I commit errors.. to those who are to read this,, just please bear with me..

A gibberish sister.. am i?

I was wordless when I reached our home and found all the stuffs of my brother scattered everywhere on the sala. It guided me to one horrendous perception, that they had another heated argument which urged to my brother to run away from our home.

Though shocked, I wasn't able to do anything about it because as I was looking at my mom I felt all the rage trapped in her that finally burst out,, and aside from that I am also aware how unspeakable the character of my brother is.. so this was never unexpected anyways.

To cut the story short, he ran away and went to my sister's house in Novaliches. Honestly it never occurred to me as a huge issue worth spending some time to discuss cause during that time I myself was chucked with heaps of tasks to finish. So practically thinking about it would be one of the least on my priorities. Perhaps the actuality that he only deserves that kind of punishment was also my reason but majorly the former contributes more to my apathy.

The real issue was my dad's remarks which really annoyed,, here's the scenario..

I was in front of my computer at around 11.30 in the evening when I have classes next day at 7,, I was cramming to finish my report about the exceedingly complicated central nervous system.. I was trying to act normal when deep inside I feel so drained and sleepy but of course I have to have the vigor to finish it cause its also my fault. And here comes my dad breathing on my neck to turn off the computer when he's seeing that I am busy doing my presentation!!

I don't see the logic of doing such,, at that moment I was controlling my self so hard cause I don't want to raise a fight with him cause I know he's not on a clear state of mind cause he's drunk. But you know.. grr.. he's just so good when it comes to provoking someone,, all the more in pushing someone off his limits!

Can you just imagine,, while I was so pressured he was like asking me for more than 8 times where my brother was! And though I kept on answering that Im not aware where he is he still continued asking about it over and over again. I suppose he knows how much I really detest people who do things repeatedly, but it always makes me wonder why does he intentionally do it most of the time.

He even told me,,

" wala kang kwentang kapatid emem,, wala kang pakialam kung nasan ang kapatid mo! Naturingan ka pa man ding nagaaral sa catholic school.."

Duh?!?! Why didn't he even bother to at least ponder for a second that not knowing where he is doesn't necessarily follow that I am really indifferent about the current situation. its just that I have some other things that needs to be taken care of immediately which i think greatly affects me??!!

Well its not that him running away doesn't affect me,, but you know?? Im inclined to studying.. I maintain grades.. and I won't let my grades decline just because Id rather find my brother who ran away because of his own flaws than finishing my report in the subject which I least likely feel grade secured? Of course I have no choice, the latter prevails!

But to be honest, before I put myself to sleep that thought crossed my mind.. am I really apathetic about the issue? Or am I just choosing to shun myself from being involved?

Speech finally..

I know I messed up a bit, but just a bit!ahahaha thanks god finals in speech was over.. I was so damned nervous and freaking out before the speech class came.. they say mam filip's not on a good mood that's why she gave not so good grades.. aww.. that's sad..

Adding up??!

This day has been really very exhausting physically mentally and emotionally,, I need not elaborate it here cause its too personal and intricate.. it makes me wonder why are these things happening to me.. what is the purpose of such occurrences and what are the underlying motives of the ones involved..

Being under this extreme confusion I can't believe that my best friend deliberately added up to the pressure when he's supposed to be the one whom i should confide to with all these problems.. argh!!

*infuriated mode*