we both built a great wall..

Last nyt we were talking on the cellphone.. I was really glad that he took time to call me up even though he’s tired after playing basketball in Antipolo.. I was touched..reallyyü but then i can say it isn’t a good conversation at all..=( i dont know who among of us has already built a wall which cant be penetrated by the other one.. but im sure there is already a wall between the two of us.. a wall in a sense that we’re like so limited in the way we talk,, the way we response to each others story.. everything.. I dont know especially him.. i can feel that his not listening to me..as I recount all the things that happened to me the past days.. he’s just singing but then he says he’s listening.. but I dont think so you cant do those two things at tha same time ayt??! Well to be fair.. on my side I was also thinking and choosing the right words for me to use as I open a topic.. well maybe because I was so afraid that I might open another issue about what happened last Friday..u know im scared that he might say things that I wouldn’t be able to accept.. yeah that’s it.. in the middle of the conversation I told him “Pls. give me a sign.. That I shouldn’t believe what the priest told me during my confession..” he just answered “I dont need to give you any.. because you should know that I don’t want that to happen..”

Im supposed to be happy with what he answered but then there’s somethin that came into my mind at that same moment “if you answered that way.. then why cant I even feel it?? that you dont want to lose our friendship??” argh.. reality check.. with what I just told him last Friday and Monday night its my fault that he seems to be distant from me!!hmmpp..

Then I asked him agen.. “what if you were somehow close to someone.. would it be possible not for you to expect anything from him?” then he “no” I was somehow compensated by that answer. At least I know that we have the same Idea about expecting from someone who have grown close to you.. I remember what shiela and jenny used to tell me.. “MAU never expect and never assume..” so right.. but then I cant help but expect.. I know its unfair that Im expecting him to act and please me tha way I wanted him to.. but then I never stop and think of all the efforts he was doing to please me.,. but where is it??? i dont see any..

Then while we were talking I was like so quiet.. coz I was so sad.. i never thought that this would be tha effect of it.. I was also thinking of asking him :are we still bestfrinds?” but then I just kept that to myself coz I dont want to offend him,, but then I told him that I was thinking about that.. but not in an interrogative tone.. I told him that i was thinking of so many things lately that I think my brain is having an overload.. this is what he said “eh sino ba naman kasi ang may sabi sayo na isipin mo lahat yan db?” wow! I never expected that one coming.. I expected him to say dont worry just clear of your mind.. you know something like that.. its like he doesn’t even care..=(

He told me that lately he was texting to vine, a schoolmate of ours and th girlfriend of my friend.. then i said “kaya ka pala hnd nagrereply sken eh!” i forgot what he replied.. i guess its better of f that I dont remember it.. after his story I told him that after my text unlimited expires I would use my globe sim card.. then he asked “eh bakit?may sun ka na nga mag-gglobe ka pa? eh pano na tayo magtetext nyan?” i dont know why i answered “ok lang un hnd ka naman nagrereply sken eh” then he said “ah ok..” lam mo un parang wla lang sknya.. hay nako naiiyak ako na naiinis..

then I told him that my right ankle is still aching.. kasi nga db natapilok ako.. I never expected him to answer na “tama yan para hnd ka na mag gala..” wont he even tell me that he wishes me to be well.. ung mga ganon.. hay nako it hurts.. ewan ko ba..

then we hung up the fone coz his fone is already lowbat.. then I texted him “sayang plano ko pa naman sanag hnd magparamdam sayo kaya lang nonsesndin naman pla..” i texted that coz while we were talking he asked me what was happening to zea why isn’t she texting him,,, then I said she’s just confused and he said.. “wala lang mizz ko lang ung pangungulit nya..” then I asked “kung ako kaya ang d magparamdam mamimizz mo kaya ako..” he never answered and he shifted tha topic..

i dont knw if his just tired or he’s just not interested to what Im talking about.. I dont know???!! If i could just tell him how much it hurts me that our talks were like we dont know each other anymore..

I realized that we both have our own walls the real question is which wall is more impenetrable.. I guess things won’t really be the same again..

*confused mode*