was it that hard to say sorry??

I wanna cry.. i think its just nothing but i really dont know what came into me why i feel so disappointed! A while ago i received messages from zea which says ‘antipatiko kasi ako eh.. cguro hnd kasi nagpaparamdam,, galit un..’ i was really puzzled whose messages are those ones. I thought it was one of zea conversation with peter, whom zea had an argument .

But then i realized why would he say those things when he and zea were texting just last night.. and i realized that our conversations about him were over?

Then after those messages another came in which says ‘yan em ung reply nya tinanong ko kasi sya kung magkagalit ba kayo eh? galing ko noh!ü’ at first it seems to me that those messages were unimportant,, but i as i read the messages over and over again,, lots of thoughts came into my being..

If he’s aware that it was his fault then why doesn’t he even bother to say sorry?? Was it that hard? Or was he waiting that i would let down my flag.,, for I guess the hundredth time already... Or am just isn’t that important for him? Why didn’t he even replied to my messages?? No load? As if !!he has unlimited call card..

I even thought that his girlfriend is far more luckier than I am for when they have a fight he would say sorry though he doesn’t really mean it.. i really pitied myself.. i feel helpless at this moment..

As those ideas floated in my mind,, its like my stomach is turned upside down,, its as if i was soaked in a puddle of mud,, like someone just slapped me.. its a mixed emotion actually,, but everything was really bad.. really really bad..

Then I recalled what the priest advised me about him when I had a confession, ‘iha, u have to let him go ngaun pa lang. kasi ganon na rin naman un eh,, hnd mo na maibabalik ung dati kasi may lamat na. siguro ang maibabalik na lang sayo eh ung dignity mo..’ this is the phrase that made me cry as i confessed.. for two reasons...
as the cliche goes.. ‘the truth hurts..’ lots of my friends already told me to give him up.. but i just don’t know why i cant..
i don’t want to give him up that’s why? Its like i can’t imagine my life without him in it.. but somehow my hopes suddenly lessened.. and it hurts me that i have somehow thought at that point that I want to give him up..

is it really happening right now?? Won’t there ever be a chance again for us to put the things back the way they used to be?? If he only knew how painful it is.. well what can i do,, pain is like a package deal offer when you fall inlove.. though sometimes i have thought what I am experiencing is way too painful.. i just cant give him up..

‘bakit ang isang tao pag mahal mo di mo masaktan, di mo maiwan, di mo makalimutan, di mo mapagasawaan.. pero ang taong mahal mo kayan kang saktan, kaya kang kailmutan at lalong kaya kang iwan..’