Silent sobs have been my best friend before I slept last night and as I woke up this morning. With my eyes throbbing, I cannot certainly point out if this was because I cried so much or was it because I barely slept. Either of which, I am breaking from the inside, out.
A text took me by shock around 10:30 last night.
"Bie, wala na si tatay."
My boyfriend's Dad passed away due to heart attack.
Took me several moments to realize the gravity of what happened, but I was drawn back to reality when I called bie. With his trembling and weeping voice he explained everything about Tatay's demise. As I listened intently it felt like someone is stabbing me slowly in the heart. Measured, phlegmatic stabs that built a painful twinge in my chest, eventually tightening my throat that led me to uncontrollably cry with him.
'Twas too painful. Too sudden. It was too much.
He was my second Dad. Actually, I can categorically say he was the Dad I never had.
In my three-year relationship with his son, there was never a day that I felt alienated in their home, especially in their family, right from the first day that he met me. He welcomed me like I was someone he was waiting for to be part of the family. He presented me to their very large clan like I was his daughter. He cooks new dishes for me each time I visit. He also makes me sing his favorite songs even though I have a very horrible voice. After which he would hug me and clap loudly at my horrendous performance as if I sang the best rendition of the song while saying "Anak ko yan."
He was very very much proud of me in more ways than one; of what I've achieved, of what I have become and of what I am planning to pursue. And above all, he loved me. He told me that many several times, along with his wish that I marry his son the soonest, and that I give him grandchildren that he would take care of. Most importantly, I felt it, the most sincere feelings that came along with every hug and kiss he gives me when I arrive and leave their home.
I do know that what I feel is only a fraction of how hard and heartbreaking what happened was for my boyfriend, his mom and his sisters, for he was everything rolled up into one: a joker, a cook and a father.
Yes he was a big loss for them, and to me as well.
Rest in peace Tatay.
2 comments:
The death of a dear friend, wife, brother, lover, which seemed nothing but privation, somewhat later assumes the aspect of a guide or genius; for it commonly operates revolutions in our way of life, terminates an epoch of infancy or of youth which was waiting to be closed, breaks up a wonted occupation, or a household, or style of living, and allows for the formation of new ones more friendly to the growth of character.
Condolence, Mau.
Aphro my dear, thank you so much. this means a lot.
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